Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
