Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
