Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
