You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
