I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
