do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
