he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
