ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
