I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
