i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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