I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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