I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
