Someone shit on the floor
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
