We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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