Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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