Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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