dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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