woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Of course I have a pirate flag
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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