that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
