Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
wow bdsm is so cute
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