You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
