I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
