Jerry, you need to find god
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
