It's like a parade of train wrecks.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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