you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
