Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
