Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
