I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
