Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
