I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
