did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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