i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
