Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
