I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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