We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
