literally had 100 drinks last night.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
