There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
