it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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