Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
