why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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