Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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