I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
