I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I deserve this hangover.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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