i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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