i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
