this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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