I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
