You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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