she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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