you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
